Today, I got to spend some time with Mom. We have hired a wonderful college student, Rachel, for the summer to watch the girls and I now get to spend Wednesday morning with mom without the girls. Its a nice break for me and it is much quieter. I don’t want it to be a chore that the girls come, I want them to want to see Grandma on their own terms. I am happy that they still want to see her and they understand her loss.
Today, I caught her sleeping in the chair. She has been sleeping more often and I know, for 87, she does pretty darn well physically. I brought her some magazines and her Matilda was huddled next to her. That crazy dog.
I last saw her on Sunday and I we talked about the next book I would read to her. There are many things my Mom as forgotten and the loss of things she loved to do, are great. The thing that makes my heart hurt is her loss of reading. She was such an avid reader and as I have stated before, instilled the love of it onto me. I could not begin to count the number of hours/days we have read together. I would read a great book and send it to Starbuck and she would read it in days. She has always had a little more time than I have to read. We would discuss what we loved or hated about it and she would ask for more. Many of my special books in my library are from her. A sweet reminder of the love we have shared.
Today, I told her about the book I have been reading, Orphan Train. She was interested in the topic and I told her we could read it after I am done. We picked up her Devotional book and I was about to read her the June 12th devotion when I asked her if she would read it to me. She had last read on Sunday and it was a joy to hear her voice again. Time escaped back to the days of hearing her read scripture for church, reading the Bible, reading stories to the girls and reading recipes she loved. She had a strong, yet sweet rhythm to her reading. I miss that voice. I told friends that for months I have been reading to her, but she fooled me just a little. There were times when she would fall asleep while I was reading to her and I would watch her nap and quietly leave. Reading to her was just as much enjoyment for me as it was for her. I wish that what ever causes this damn disease would leave that part of her brain alone. It brings her peace and love.
This is what Mom read to me today. For my friends that aren’t of faith, I’m sorry, but hang in there. It is a wonderful passage.
Let me help you get through this day. There are many possible paths to travel between your getting up in the morning and your lying down at night. Stay alert to the many choice-points along the way, being continually aware of my presence. You will get through this day one way or the other. One way is to moan and groan, stumbling alone with shuffling feet. This will get you to the end of the day eventually, but there is a better way. You can choose to walk with me along the path of peace, leaning on me as much as you need. There will be difficulties along the way, but you can face them confidently in my strength.
This meant a lot and I think she understood how special this devotion was. Hearing her voice was again was magical.