I haven’t felt like writing much lately, which is unusual. I journal ideas in my beautiful, leather bound book my sister in law, Wendy gave me for a gift. We have been very busy with vacation, baseball, Emme’s 5th birthday, my work and a few 5K races. My biggest concern is that Mom has been sick since we got back.
I first noticed it when we got back from our trip and when I was at work on Monday, her nurses were also concerned. I left work and found her lethargic, running a temp and barely able to keep her head up. She was in a wheelchair. I had never really witnessed her so ill. As a nurse, all of the symptoms were running through my mind. Stroke, too much Tramadal (pain), TIA’s, heart…you get the picture. It was very hard for me. She even refused her beloved coffee.
For some time, I have noticed Moms inner light and brightness dimming. Her bucket list of accomplishments are amazing and I won’t bore you with everything she has brought to this world. Those of you that know her, understand how much she has meant to so many.
To watch her decline and to lose that inner light is tough. I can see it in patients I take care of. They state, “I’m tired”, and I know what they mean. They battle cancer, Parkinson’s, stroke, heart issues, along with dementia. They know and I know. Life gives us a set amount of years, what we do with that is up to us. End of life issues are tough on everyone and I am always understanding when someone says they are “ready”.
Mortality also sets in. Many of her friends have died, she’s away from her home town that she loved and she doesn’t get many visitors. My brother hasn’t seen her since November. She can’t cook, read, get the mail, drive a car, call me on the phone or even pay a bill. My light would also dim, too.
She has lived a long life and I am mindful of that this week. Yes, we want our loved ones to live a long and wonderful life but sometimes I’m also understanding of how tired they can get. They are ready for it to be over. Mom is tired but I believe she has accomplished everything she set out to do. She is ready, be it today, next week or a year from now.
I am also thankful for all of the staff that take such good care of Mom. Even the beautician asked about her. That means a lot. If you could add Mom to your prayers, I would be grateful.